Tues 31st August 1999
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The England coach, manager and
stalwart at the crease, 'Big Tone' has been
dealt a cruel hand in his bid to select a team strong enough to take on, the now
legendary, 'CRAS'. The crisis comes as 'safe hands swadds', himself a former
CRAS leg-end was forced to withdraw with the scheduled global release of his
autobiography - 'Teach the world a sport and watch 'em whoop ya ass'.
The 27 year old, Toga king from the Docklands, embarks on a global book signing
tour, which kicks off in the CRAS homeland, moves up through south east Asia
and concludes in South Africa in Sept 2000. The tour originally scheduled to
start on 10th Sept '99, allowing Swadds to represent England, at the
Liverpool stadium of cricket, became shrouded in controversy as the dates were
brought forward due to a sudden rush in ticket sales.
Qantas, Australia's leading airline company, have dismissed as 'folly',
remarks that ticket sales had been adjusted to force an early departure of
the England star, but speculation was further fuelled yesterday when the
airline giant announced it has entered into negotiation with 'The CRAS' for
a 3 year sponsorship deal.
Looking for new paths into the UK and European market, 'a sponsorship deal
with a team such as 'The CRAS' would be an opportunity too good to
miss'. The deal rumored to be worth $9.4 Australian over a 3 year period
would see the players triple their current salaries and benefit with
exclusive access to attractive cabin staff on all domestic and long haul
flights.
However a spokesman for the CRAS denied any links with the
'kangaroo emblazoned' airline mogul and refused to comment on the incident.
However later in a pre-match press conference he was quoted as saying, 'We are
looking forward to a great game of cricket, I've inspected the pitch and
both myself and the Ladbrokes were very pleased with it'.
At the England camp, they are keeping a brave face on it, and apart from the
yellow ribbons, there is little evidence the crushing blow, which has been
dealt them in the last few days. In Swadds they know they have lost a class
12th man, but the real challenge is yet to come, will 'The Mighty CRAS' fall
at the hands of 'Big Tones Barmy Army' or will 'The CRAS' continue in their
current form, crushing every one in their path. Who can say or dare to
dream, but at the end of the day the real winner will be cricket, good luck
everyone and have a great weekend. Hopefully catch up for a few 'brewski's'
on the flip side.
Come on England.. Make us proud !!!
By Spence - a la Swadds